Navigating First Steps: Parents, Careers, and the Journey to Understanding

We become our decisions, but we were first our parents decisions. Our parental decisions shape our children’s paths more than we care to admit or realize. This can break or make children in terms of their career choices. If we don’t take this serious we will end up with a society filled with confused children who grow up to be resentful and bitter adults.

I believe not every parent has it all figured out—especially new parents navigating their firstborn’s journey. It’s akin to a beginner potter shaping their first clay bowl, a novice baker attempting their first cake, or a fresh doctor treating their first patient. The outcomes can be flawed: bowls crack in the kiln, cakes collapse, or young doctors faint at the sight of blood.

First attempts are often filled with trial and error. However, with persistence, these beginners refine their craft. Parenting, I feel, is no exception. My parents, amazing as they were, didn’t get it right in one crucial area: my career path. This misstep rippled into my career identity struggles, but it’s something I’m still recovering from—and have forgiven and so this coming from a place of love and understanding for new parents or to-be parents.

Let me be clear: my parents have positively shaped so much of who I am. Their contributions to my life are immeasurable. Still, there are things I wish had been handled differently.

My Journey: A Tale of Missed Alignment

Writing was my dream—my first love. As a child, when my peers saved for chocolates and games, I and my childhood friend saved for novels. My dad nurtured my love for reading early on, introducing me to classics like Raliyah the Sugar Girl, Wedlock of the Gods, and Arms and the Man. These books sparked my imagination, broadened my vocabulary, and inspired me to write. When I got to my secondary school I became a romance novel addict which with time had negative effect on me.

By junior secondary school (JSS3, Grade 9 equivalence), I was ready to embrace my creative path. But when the time came to choose between the arts and sciences in senior secondary school, I ended up in science class.

Why?
The day I told my dad about my desire to become an author, he lovingly but firmly discouraged me. He explained how authors struggled financially and encouraged me to pursue a stable career, suggesting professions like piloting, with writing as a side hobby. That conversation marked the beginning of my struggle with identity and purpose.

What followed was a series of misaligned academic and career choices. From mechanical engineering to geology in university, I trudged through courses I had no passion for, dreading subjects like mathematics and physics. Meanwhile, my love for literature, once vibrant, faded away.

The Ripple Effect

1. Misaligned Talents: I excelled in literature and creative writing but struggled in science-related subjects.
2. Unaddressed Fears: I was terrified of heights yet was expected to consider becoming a pilot.
3. Lost Passion: With no alternative career that matched my interests, I became disengaged.
4. Financial Pressures: I rationalized my choices by hoping to lift my family financially, but I lost myself in the process.

Looking back, I understand my dad’s intentions. In that era, authors were often seen as struggling artists. Today, platforms like Amazon, Good-reads, YouTube, TikTok e.t.c have transformed the landscape, providing visibility and income for writers. And of course, looking at the environment I grew up in, I wouldn’t have been taken seriously in the society then. Careers like Medical Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers were like the hot cake in that era. I only wish my dad had encouraged me to keep nurturing my passion alongside practical considerations. I am glad for my present, that I am coming to love geology and see the positive in my experience. It is also to help you and help me too, when it comes to the choice of my children’s careers. How I was able to overcame this was to seek God, to heal me and help me see from his own perspective. Instead of whining about it. It took a while I admit, almost gave up on that aspect of my life. However, I have come to make the best with what has happened like the saying that goes, “when life gives you lemon, make lemonade”.

To my parents’ credit, when I opened up about my unhappiness during university, both my parents were deeply pained—especially my dad. They supported me as best they could moving forward, and I’m grateful for that. They made up for it with my siblings, I will always be grateful for that.

Advice for Parents Navigating Career Choices

Modern parents, learn from the past:

1. Know Your Child’s Strengths (and Ask Them):

Parents often misjudge their child’s passions, especially when the child is multi-talented. Avoid assumptions; instead, engage in meaningful conversations.

2. Listen to Their ‘Why’:

Understanding their motivations can help you discern whether their choice is rooted in passion or peer influence. For example, my husband once wanted to become an accountant to emulate his father. Thankfully, his dad encouraged him to follow his true interests instead which Is Chemical Engineering. He is much fulfilled now.

3. Avoid Fame-Driven Expectations:

Be honest with yourself—are you pushing your child toward a career for prestige? Be mindful of how you praise or disparage professions, as kids often absorb your biases. Ask yourself: is my child choosing because i always talk about famous profession all the time? You know kids are impressionable. I know you have prejudices against certain careers or even terrible experiences and you want to shield your child from disappointments. Remember! it might be different for your kid. You could simply tell them about the pros and cons but be more positive and tell them how you believe it will work for them. Words of affirmation rock! (You can print this if it helps)

4. Accept Trial and Error:

Even with the best intentions, you may get it wrong. Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when necessary. Your willingness to listen and adapt can make all the difference in your child’s journey.

Final Thoughts

Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present. Guiding your child through their career choices is a delicate balance of providing direction while honoring their individuality. Remember, even if you don’t get it right, your genuine effort will leave a lasting impact.

You’re already an amazing parent, or on your way to becoming one. Stay open, stay kind, and trust.

You can find this book on Amazon—I hope it blesses you! Remember, I love you, and God loves you even more!