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Drowning In Self-Pity: How To Conquer It
Hi dear, Self-Pity is an ugly cloth on you. Take it off!
Self-pity can be an alluring trap, especially when life feels overwhelming. It makes you want to dine and wine in your dirt, in your pain. While it’s natural to experience moments of sadness and frustration, wallowing in self-pity can prevent you from moving forward and finding solutions. A person who wallows in self pity is a like a prisoner who refuses to be set free. Many a times, we want to weep over spilled milk for a long time, refusing to accept help even when help is offered. We end up giving excuses why we can’t accept help from anyone. I can’t think of many times I gave myself list of reasons why I was not good enough which had led to me missing out on God’s instructions for the seasons in my life. My dear, I would love to pat you on the back encouraging you to keep on ripping off your bandage causing your scar to bleed again and again and again…move on! Let that scar heal, let that pain go, bury that memory after you have had closure. Self pity tends to cover you like a dark cloud not wanting you to live up to your full potential. You can do this. You can break free.
If you’re struggling to break free, here are practical strategies to help you regain control of your mindset.
1. Closure
Suppressing feelings, traumatic experience often makes them more intense and they make you a prisoner of yourself. Take some time to sit with your emotions and understand why you feel this way. Set out time to have a quiet time where you pour out your heart to God. I promise you He will not judge you if you are filled with guilt. And if not, Jesus weeps with us in our sorrows. For the Bible says, For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:15. Remember He knows and He understands. Here is a song to uplift and also encourage you by Jonathan Reynolds, it has blessed me greatly https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWaUrcsGdNU
Journaling or talking to someone you trust can help you clarify your thoughts. Please when talking to someone it should be a person who has godly maturity but also discreet.
2. Shift Your Perspective
Self-pity often stems from focusing solely on what’s going wrong. Try to re-frame your thoughts by identifying areas where you have control or things you’re grateful for. When having a discussion with an older friend, after sharing my woes, feeling sorry for what was missing my life and what negatives things I had faced and all. She told me something I will never forget, “I don’t focus on half empty glass but half full glass”.
- What can I learn from this experience?
- Are there any positive outcomes hidden in this situation?
- Is my glass empty or half full?
3. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful antidote to self-pity. The scripture says, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you, 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Make a daily habit of listing three things you’re thankful for in your journal. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to self-pity. Make a daily habit of listing three things you’re thankful for. The scripture says, They don’t have to be grand gestures; small joys like a kind word, a sunny day, or a warm cup of coffee can shift your focus toward positivity.
They don’t have to be grand gestures; small joys like a kind word, a sunny day, or a warm cup of coffee can shift your focus toward positivity.
4. Take Action
One of the fastest ways to escape the pit of self-pity is by taking proactive steps. Break your situation into manageable tasks, no matter how small. For example, if you’re upset about a missed opportunity, brainstorm ways to create new ones. Taking action, even if it’s minor, helps you feel empowered.
5. Limit Negative Self-Talk
Your inner dialogue plays a significant role in how you feel. Catch yourself when you’re engaging in self-critical or defeatist thoughts, and replace them with kinder, more constructive messages. Instead of saying, “I’ll never succeed,” try, “I’m learning and improving every day.” Give yourself credit, you might not be where you want to be now but you have learnt learns and mature.
6. Seek Connection
Isolation can exacerbate self-pity. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group to share your feelings. Often, simply talking about your struggles can lighten the emotional load. Additionally, listening to others’ experiences can provide valuable perspective.
7. Engage in Activities That Bring Joy
It’s easy to neglect hobbies and activities you love when you’re feeling down. Make an effort to engage in something enjoyable, whether it’s painting, gardening, playing music, or going for a walk. For me , I love to write. These moments of joy can disrupt the cycle of negative thinking.
8. Set Realistic Goals
This very important! Most times we set unrealistic goals for ourselves and end up falling into depression because we could not meet up our own expectations. Am I saying you shouldn’t be ambitious? NO. That is why I will encourage you to prayerfully set goals, because the Holy Spirit will reveal to you your tasks per seasons of your life by dropping thoughts in your mind, the word of God, using people. When life feels overwhelming, setting small, achievable goals can give you a sense of accomplishment. Celebrate each milestone, no matter how minor. Progress, however slow, builds momentum and restores confidence.
9. Focus on Helping Others
Helping someone else can shift your focus from your own struggles to the needs of others. Volunteer, offer support to a friend, or perform random acts of kindness. Acts of service not only benefit others but also provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
10. Know When to Seek Help
Sometimes, self-pity can be a symptom of deeper issues like being far away from God which can lead to depression or anxiety. Seek God, seek godly counsel.
Final Thoughts
Overcoming self-pity isn’t about dismissing your struggles or pretending everything is fine. It’s about finding the strength to face challenges with resilience and determination. By acknowledging your emotions, shifting your focus from the guilt, pain and focus on how you have not been consumed and taking purposeful action. You can break free from the cycle of self-pity and move toward a more fulfilling life in God. God loves you and He is rooting for you. He will give you the strength you need to conquer.
Don’t forget: I am rooting for you too and I love you!
Join the Conversation
Have you ever be overcome by self-pity? Share your story in the comments below or email; inspiringstoriesbybii@gmail.com for discretion. Let’s lift each other up and celebrate the strength that God has helped us overcome.
God loves you! I love you!
