Marked by fire: scarred but refined for His beautiful pleasure

The night the fire consumed my skin, my life irrevocably changed. A simple act of fixing a little problem turned into a horrific ordeal. As the flames licked at my flesh, I questioned the universe’s cruel irony. Why me? What was the reason behind this senseless suffering?”

Fire. It stole my innocence, leaving scars etched on my skin and a deep ache in my soul. But amidst the ashes, something else bloomed – resilience.

This is the story of how a simple act in my childhood home in Nigeria turned into a terrifying ordeal. It’s a story of fear, self-doubt, and the long, arduous path to healing.But it’s also a story of hope. Hope that emerged from the darkness, fueled by faith, self-acceptance, the unwavering love of my family and above all the realization of God’s love for me.

WHY SCARS DON’T DEFINE US

I remember that evening back in Nigeria, my three siblings and I were doing our assignments and studying with a local kerosene fueled lantern, this was in the early 2000s. Electricity was very unstable in my area, which made a lot of people use either lanterns or candles in their homes for illumination. My neighbor happened to be studying with us on our balcony, she was older than me and I was 11 years old then. It was a warm evening in the month of June, I had just noticed that light in the lamp was flickering and that signaled the kerosene fuel in the lantern was already running low. I quickly hurried up to the kitchen to add more kerosene. However, in the process the glassy center rolled off my hands because I was squatting to do that and of course, it cracked from the top.

I got really worried. I sent my immediate younger sister to go buy a candle so I could light it to see what I was going to repair. I tell you, I didn’t know what I was thinking. I was not a glass maker or artist or in love with glass artistry. I should have waited for my mom maybe I would been having a clear skin today. My sister came back with the candle and I lighted it and placed on the floor at my feet. In a bid to extract the glass from the lantern structure I had dribbled a little bit of the kerosene on the hem of my skirt which was made up of silk material (you know how silk materials burn easily and faster the moment it comes in contact with fire).

One time I was holding the glass and next I was having a ring of fire around my thighs which was going upward. It is funny how I felt like a sacrifice. Looking back, I will always thank God for the presence of my neighbor friend. She was in shock but was able to think quick on her feet and got water from the bathroom to douse me. Do you know that as I was burning I was already asking God to forgive me of all my sins so I could go to heaven when I died.

Did I scream? That I can’t remember. To this day I don’t know. I can only remember being carried carefully and taken out of our house to another neighbor’s balcony to sit while they were trying to call my parents on the phone. Thankfully, my dad was being driven in by a church member (we were not mobile then) whom he had to go visit his wife in the hospital because she just gave birth. Please take note, my parents were and have never been neglectful or abusive towards me or my siblings. I was left with an adult who was around and that was my neighbor. Back to my story, I could remember being rushed to the hospital and treatment started. Drifting in and out of consciousness I saw my mom holding my hand as she had a scared and worried expression on her face. She was muttering words of prayers.

Yes! I tell you that day was the beginning of my scars outwardly and my inner scars were magnified. You can imagine how I felt coupled with the fact that I was about to transition into my teens. I was 11 years old and in two years I was going to blossom. I had no idea, this affected my will to live, the desire to socialize. It was like a dark wet veil draped over my whole being. I could no longer see anything beautiful about me. My identity became the lady with the burns or the lady with the scars.

So many of us have scars like that, one thing we wish we could change about us. We wish we could go back and not be in that group, be part of that friend’s life, not be in that location, not gone on that hike, not invite that friend into your home or life, not tasted that substance, not gone for that profession….and ever since you have not recovered or for some still recovering because it left you damaged. Some of us are still weeping over spilled milk. I know you don’t want to be known by the negative stuff and you wish you could format history. Including me! It took me 8 whole painful, sad, dark years to even wear a short sleeved shirt and not care that much to be looked at with pity or asked questions but mind you, now I don’t care about that anymore, I do volunteer to share my story to others to be vulnerable with them. There was a time, I never wanted to mingle with people just to avoid my scars being the main topic of conversation, thank God it is all in the past. I have come to realize: every one has scars!!! some people are bold enough to wear them and be unapologetic about it.

My fears were; who will want to be my friend, who will not want to be with me out of pity? Will I ever find someone who will want to be with a scarred person?

HEALING! HEALING!! HEALING!!!

I know you are asking yourself a lot of questions: who’s gonna be with me when I am this damaged? Can I ever be loved genuinely? Will I ever be good at anything? Why didn’t God come through for me when I prayed? Why did my siblings get all the talents and i have none ? Why do all guys go for my friend and not me? I just want to reassure you first; God has always loved and will always love you and so felt everything you have gone through.

That was one statement I fought, rebelled against, was exhausted which took me over 10 years to come to terms with, that I am loved and God has allowed everything for his pleasure and purpose. It seems cruel right??? I understand because I thought that too for a long time. Hear me out, you might be scarred in: emotionally, mentally and scarred outwardly: your body. But remember you are very important to yourself and most importantly to God. I just want to encourage you with this bible verse, I know it is ironical but it is true; For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.

Why will God allow this harm come to me if he claimed his plans are to prosper, to give me hope but not to harm me??? But I want you to also remember that, same scripture says,

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33. in this world we would have trouble, why??? because Evil exist.

We all have scars varying in degrees, some more pronounced than the others, some hide theirs because they feel ashamed and feel people will judge them harshly. I remember overhearing someone say, “It was because I was stubborn this happened to me, and so it was kinda my fault”. That was painful hearing that especially when it came from someone very close whom I regard and still regard to this day. I had a schoolmate in high school whom whispered to her friend while I passed by that my burns looked disgusting. I went back and wept. There are certain things I feel like if God had allowed me hear what people said or maybe are still saying, I will have gone to kill myself or not even try to enjoy life. I had to heal and forgive for my own sanity and peace. And so I know what it feels like to be victim blame.

I want you to know this, there is no great a wound that cannot heal. Though you will meet with people whom will definitely fault you and put you down or even silently mock you. Wear these scars with pride like a soldier who fought but won. God loved me before the scars and still does, that I have been assured every single phase of my life to this day. Guess what?! His plan is still being played out in my life for His pleasure. I have met amazing people through these scars. It has made more empathetic to people around me especially with those who are physically insecure about their body because I know what it feels like to be the one with the scars. I am extending my heart, encouragement and prayers to you if you want to share @email; inspiringstoriesbybii@gmail.com. Let us journey together, encourage and help one another in the Lord. You can be a blessing today by sharing your story anonymously. Your privacy will be respected.

Remember you may be scarred but He(God) makes something beautiful out of your scars!!!

Have you ever felt defined by your scars? Share your story in the comments below or email; inspiringstoriesbybii@gmail.com for discretion. Let’s lift each other up and celebrate the strength that God has helped us overcome.

God loves you! I love you!

Your Scars Are A Marks Of An Undefeated Warrior

You Are Not Alone.

#scars #healing #faith #strength #selflove #inspiration